


SuperJason To the Rescue!

by Scrange



Category: Berena - Fandom, Buckle - Fandom, Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-29 09:47:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8484661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scrange/pseuds/Scrange
Summary: [one of a series of Holby City spoof scenes - all iconic dialogues (mostly between Bernie and Serena) which are hopefully recognisable. All are written keeping as closely as possible to the original, but with wildly, and generally ridiculously, divergent meanings. This one is a spoof of Bernie's first meeting with Jason, but was written much later, at a point where the whole fandom was going mental at how long the secondment to Ukraine was becoming, and starting to hatch ideas about how Jason might just be the one to persuade her to return ...]Wherein Jason takes the Holby producer to task for the impact that certain recent events are having on his schedule … and we discover to our delight that he wears his pants* on the outside of his tights, and is also sporting a bright red cape.





	

Jason  
*With an air of irritation* Do you work here? … Then can you tell me why you don’t keep all your middle-aged lesbians in one place? I mean, precious cinnamon rolls with a hankering for the nectar of the grape here on AAU, and big macho army medics with annihilating hair swishes on the other side of bloody Europe? It’s VERY frustrating if you happen to like both (*throws out a Hard Stare worthy of Paddington Bear*). How am I supposed to enjoy Mary Beard of an evening, over the sounds of washed-up, mid-life whimpering and the furious gnashing of teeth on the other end of the living room sofa? And more to the point, who do I get to watch World’s Strongest Man with me now?

Simon Harper  
(*Somewhat taken aback*) Well, I’m the producer …so, er …

Jason  
(*triumphant*) Oh, so you could bring back Bernie Wolfe! (*slightly more hesitant, confused*) I heard her middle name was Griselda, but now it’s changed to Bloody! She kisses girls, you know, Auntie Serena says so. 

Simon Harper  
Ah! You must be Jason. Mmm, I did hear that kissing rumour, yes. And makes them cry, too, apparently … half the fandom are suicidal. And the other half are homicidal (*troubled sigh*). Actually, maybe you can get her back from Kiev, Jason.

Jason  
(*Eyes light up*) Rescue the major? Right, sir! Reporting for duty, sir! (*Salutes enthusiastically*)

Simon Harper  
Auntie Serena told me all about you. She said you and Bernie are on the same wavelength. But that she’s got better hair, so she has more trashed-out fans.

Jason  
Did she? At least my laugh doesn’t sound like a strangulated seagull being drowned in a vat of Shiraz.(*rolls his eyes dismissively*) Anyway, I’ve finished college, and Imelda Cousins told me I should get a job, so maybe I could work here? (*hopeful*)

Simon Harper  
Right then. Here, Jason, change into this cape and these fetching blue tights - they’ll give you script-altering superpowers. Now go and sort out the lesbians!

 

(*UK pants - those skimpy little red things around the groin area. None of this American mallarchy here.)


End file.
